ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE 21ST CENTURY
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 ABBOTT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?
 COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm
 thinking of buying a computer.
 ABBOTT: Mac?
 COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.
 ABBOTT: Your computer?
 COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
 ABBOTT: Mac?
 COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.
 ABBOTT: What about Windows?
 COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
 ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
 COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
 ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
 COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
 ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
 COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
 proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you >
got?
 ABBOTT: Office.
 COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
 ABBOTT: I just did.
 COSTELLO: You just did what?
 ABBOTT: Recommended something.
 COSTELLO: You recommended something?
 ABBOTT: Yes.
 COSTELLO: For my office?
 ABBOTT: Yes.
 COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
 ABBOTT: Office.
 COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
 ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
 COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's
 say
 I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I
 need?
 ABBOTT: Word.
 COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words.
 But what program do I load?
 ABBOTT: Word.
 COSTELLO: What word?
 ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
 COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
 ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
 COSTELLO: Which! word in "office for windows?"
 ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
 COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a
 straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need
 if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
 ABBOTT: RealOne.
 COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
 your
 business. But what do I need to watch it?
 ABBOTT: RealOne.
 COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two,
 three and four. Can I watch reel four?
 ABBOTT: Of course.
 COSTELLO: Great! With what?
 ABBOTT: RealOne.
 COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a
 movie. What do I do?
 ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
 COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
 ABBOTT: The blue 1.
 COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
 ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
 COSTELLO: What word?
 ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
 COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
 ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
 COSTELLO: It is?
 ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left.
 It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
 COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
 ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even
 part of Office.
 COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But
 I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you
 have to help me track my money?
 ABBOTT: Money.
 COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
 ABBOTT: Money.
 COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
 ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
 COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
 ABBOTT: Money.
 COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
 ABBOTT: Ex actly. No extra charge.
 COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge?
 How much money do I get?
 ABBOTT: Just one copy.
 COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?>
 ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
 COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
 ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
 COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll
 still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?
 ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
 COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
 ABBOTT: Money.
 COSTELLO: You sell money?
 ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for
 free.